Hello and welcome to Truth or Tosh (aka Awesome or Awful) with an alternate look at other news making the headlines.  Hosted by your correspondent Drew Bigdabs (that’s me over there) we’re going to be bringing you the best (and the worst) news, views and rumours circulating about our favourite musicians and their music. If you are not sure what is meant by Tosh, then please check the definition at the bottom of this page.  And if you have any rumours or interesting facts that you might like to see published in this section then please send an e-mail to me, Drew, at colrain@senzatempo.co.uk Welcome To The Canteen - Now! In Brighton on the coast for the gig at Concorde 2 on March 21st, we couldn’t go all that way without sampling the local Fish and Chips as our pre gig meal, could we?  They say the fish is fresher on the coast!  So, we found a traditional Fish and Chippy there and scanning the menu, how could we not indulge in the GIANT Cod & Chips? So we had to have it, no doubt about it and you can see just what I mean. Like, how can anyone resist a GIANT Codpiece like that?  Freshly fried and very delicious it was too! Our bellies full and an air of satisfaction on our faces we turned our thoughts to the night ahead. But wait a minute said one of our group “Why don’t we recreate the cover of “Welcome To The Canteen”? Er, OK we all agreed and we got Helga our lovely waitress to oblige with the photograph and here it is: From left to right:- Dave is looking decidedly disinterested as you can see from his “eyes closed, I’ve got my own solo career and album to do” expression and in fact after the picture was taken he buggered off somewhere!  Typical Dave! Rebop has that “I really enjoyed my saveloy” look and he was the only one that had one. But the table top was getting a pounding from him. Chris at the end of the table decides to get some practice in on a gherkin that he put his fork through to make holes in before the performance. He was blowing so hard! It sounded good to us! Next Jim looking as laid back as ever but with his beard shaved to stop crumbs getting in it and his hair tied at the back likewise.  What you can’t see (or hear for that matter) is that he is tapping a steady beat under the table with his feet that we are all grooving to. And finally Steve, laid back and casual fashion with his left hand working on a run for his organ just to the side of him. Or was it a Sideboard? Unfortunately two of our party missed the picture.  Rick who had to go and meet a member of his FAMILY and Jim G who was in the pub next door having a game of DOMINO’s with his old boss and good friend DEREK!  They’ll be sacked for missing this photo call!  Apologies for the lack of Ketchup! Some new look-alikes: Harry Potter           Mike Smith       Adam Clayton (U2) Tim Cansfield  DAVE MASON SIGHTING IN LONDON TODAY. Hot news phoned into the Editorship just over one hour ago. Intrepid roving reporter Andy Cabb reported in at midday to say that he had just seen Dave Mason crossing the Brompton Road near Harrods in London.  He said he knew it was Dave by his trademark hat and small goatee beard.  And to add credence to that he said he also saw Dave mouth the words ”Dave Mason” in answer to what question from whom????? Well only you know know and I know.  As he mounted the pavement he slipped and almost fell.  A bystander asked “Are you Ok?” Dave replied “Feelin’ Alright”.   Awwwrighteeee!   Not kidding.  It’s really true!   Now talking about celebrities I’ll swear that I saw Ricky Gervais, Kate Bush, Tom Jones and The Kaiser Chiefs in my local in Hornchurch last week  and my friend Steve (no, not Winwood silly- there’s more than one person named Steve) will back me up on this, but I was wearing beer goggles at the time............................................Awesome!!!   The National Trust are close to acquiring the cottage in Aston Tirrold used by TRAFFIC in their “Getting it together in the country” phase.  The National Trust who have in the past acquired similar properties of interest such as John Lennon’s childhood home in Menlove Avenue and Paul McCartney’s likewise in Forthlin Road will install a “live in curator” responsible for the day to day upkeep and act as a guide to the property.  Madame Tussauds will be commissioned to create Beeswax weatherproof waxwork sculptures of Steve, Jim, Chris and Dave which will then be sited on the concrete plinth outside together with replica musical instruments on the spot where they used to play uninterrupted in the open all those years ago.  During the Spring and Summer months the sound of TRAFFIC will once again be heard roaring across the Berkshire Downs. But it seems that the locals are not happy about this and local resident Freddie Frawley is organising a protest and petition against. We spoke to Freddie and this is what he had to say: “We don’t want a Motorway built here.”    Huh?????? But the “live in curators" job is up for grabs and the Bookies favourite is Len Tibbetts Jnr at 5/4 odds on favourite. Geordie Len, when asked for comment said “Why aye mon. A’hd be reet honoured and pleshored to do dis for der boys and look after der plaaace. That would be reet canny like.” Jose Neto is up for the part of Cap’n Jack Sparrow in the movie “Pirates of The Caribbean - Part Neuf- Where’s me Cutlass?” Jonny Depp is unavailable due to other filming commitments so Jose will dep for Depp.  In the first movie, Jonny Depp modeled his character upon the Rolling Stones Keith Richards.  Jose will do likewise in this sequel to the sequel, to the sequel etc., and model his character on Ozzy Osborne.  Sharon Osborne and Minnie will provide the “Ahhhh” interest.  We’ve got an artists impression of how Jose might look in the role. Far East Industrialists THE SHANGHAI PLASTICS FACTORY are to produce traffic cones with the TRAFFIC symbol emblazened upon.  A spokesperson told us “That if this sells well to the Highway Departments in the UK then we may increase our range to include the traffic signs as shown on the inserts to the TRAFFIC ON THE ROAD album. Tonight Matthew I’m going to be Steve Winwood. A fellow fan, we’ll call him “Reg” to protect his anonymity, once auditioned for the ITV1 Television Show “STARS IN THEIR EYES” as Steve Winwood.  The show invites talented members of the general public to impersonate their favourite artist and they are given the star treatment to do so.  Made up to look like, given musical backing or a band, vocalists and dancers if required.  Our “Reg” came through the auditions successfully and having heard him sing and perform “Higher Love” in the pub we could see why. But unfortunately “Reg” fell at the last hurdle when he had to drop out because of a sore throat. A real pity because he would have had a great chance to win.   Getting back to Movie News, it’s rumoured that “Man Mountain” Cafe is being considered to take the part played by Robin Williams in Popeye the Movie.  The sequel entitled “Popeye the Movie 2 - I Yam What I Yam!” starts filming shortly. Robin Williams       and       Cafe. Walfredo Reyes was seen carrying a luggage trolley as he left the Ronnie Scott’s gig.  I asked him “What’s in the trolley, Wally?” and he said “Why, the Big Issue man. £1 a copy to help the homeless.” Very public spirited of you Wally. Well done.   The Victoria and Albert Museum in London, admired for its collection of historical costumes and artifacts, is rumoured to be interested in acquiring one of Steve’s 2003/2004 check tour shirts as part of its Rock Memorabilia collection.   Multi-instrumentalist Randall Bramlett is to write a series of books in the “Tune a Day” series beginning with “A Beginners Guide to the Descant Recorder” as a first step to a series on Woodwind and Brass instruments.  Randall is a keen advocate of bringing music to the people.   Len Tibbetts Jnr is to get his own TV show on Channel X entitled “1001 uses for your manure.”  Geordie Len when asked for comment replied: “Ah'm reet honoured and pleshored to get dis chance to showww wot can be dunn with muck like, in me own showww, ah tell thee. An’ if ah get de job at t’t cottage den ah can combine the two like. Why, aye, ah can that.”  Good luck Len. And just in from Andy Cab - Steve Winwood and Paul Weller are forming a band to be called TRAFFIC JAM and Jose Neto and Cafe are to star in a remake of The Boys from Brasil. The next edition of the Coloured Rain Magazine will include a cut out and glue 3 dimensional replica of a Hammond B3 Organ. Make sure you subscribe in order to get your copy! This edition will go like hotcakes. I just wanted to take this opportunity to make it clear that the Coloured Rain E-Zine is not a 24/7 news channel as some might think, but we do try to to bring you the best news and views as soon as we have such, which in quite a few instances we have been able to report on before being published on any official sources.  We also try not to duplicate and include information which is held elsewhere on the web and are quite happy to point out the source where such information is available for those who wish to know more. But sometimes that might be unavoidable. We see ourselves as complimenting and embellishing as well as adding our own original views, rather than trying to be the de-facto source of news to you, but we’re trying hard and our eyes and ears are everywhere, well not quite everywhere. I mean, there are some places that we really wouldn’t want to go.  Like where? Oh look, just shut up and get on with it! Don’t forget playmates to make us one of your favourites! We will do our very best to make sure that you get the best info that we can provide because together we flow like the river then together we melt like the snow Definition of Tosh:  A load of old.... ./ you’re ‘aving a laugh/ you cannot be serious!/if you believe that you’ll believe anything/just for fun. For our friends across the pond Awesome or Awful.